Personality Disorder - The Real Truth

Have you ever been accused of having a personality disorder? The flavour of the week right now is NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NPD is defined as follows:



''Narcissistic Personality Disorder - An individual with this disorder is in love with himself/herself, and has little positive regard for others other than in a superficial manner. They tend to be grandiose in how they present themselves, and tend to demand admiration from others.They believe they are special and deserve special treatment, regardless of the problems this creates for others. They readily take advantage of others, and tend to be quite arrogant. In actuality, they are very sensitive, and tend to not be able to tolerate any criticism or negative feedback. They usually seek treatment because they are frustrated in getting what they want. However, they often do not seek treatment, because they perceive everyone else as causing the problems, not themselves.'' - definition from http://www.webhealth.com/ as are the following facts.



Does it scare you to read that? That's because elements of evry Personality Disorder that has been classified to date, can be found in the personality of every person on the face of the earth.

This doesn't mean that everyone has a personality disorder. It simply means that we as individuals have our own style, our own personality based on the intensity or lack thereof of the elements that 'make us tick'. Our thought processes, our emotional needs, our socialization abilities, our cultural backgrounds and belief systems etc.

All accepted tests given by any institution for personality disorders equate layman recognized personality traits with 'medical' ones.

For Example: If you are ambitious and confident - you have an element of Narcissism

If you are expressive and emotional - you have an element of Histrionics

If you are alert and suspicious - you have an element of Paranoia

If you are affectionate and loyal - you have an element of Dependancy

The list goes on and on. But remember - everyone has elements of all of these (and other) disorders. What makes a personality tip over into an actual Personality Disorder, is the 'exaggeration' so to speak of one or more elements: the predominance of one or more symptons which become the totality of the personality. This leads to personal harm not only to the individual, but to their 'environment' and those within it. But even with some exaggerated elements, people who function within their society in a stable manner, can be accused of no more than being 'eccentric', 'individual in their style' or 'having the ability to think on a different plane'. They do NOT have a Personality Disorder.



The most recognized personality disorder is that of being Shizoid or schizophrenia. We've all seen in 'real' life and especially on TV those poor unfortunates who roam the streets talking to themselves and convinced that aliens are out to get them. This type of disorder is severe and life destroying without medication. Physcotherapy may, in conjunction with drugs, maintain this disorder, but it can't cure it. But on the rise, and becoming so obvious on the net is a Personality Disorder that until now, was hardly recognized and rarely diagnosed by anyone other than a trained physcotherapist. This is NPD.

We are all to a certain extent narcissistic. We have to be to maintain a healthy ego. We have to believe that our beliefs and convictions have merit. We have to believe that we ourselves have value and purpose. To have none of these beliefs would make us Anti-Social, a Personality Disorder of it's own.

Anyone who spends time on the net eventually comes up against the need to develop a highly tuned sense of paranoia as a weapon of self defence. We learn early, if we are paying attention, to distrust much of what we see and read and are offered on the net. To be overly alert or suspicious are the elements of paranoia. Does this mean we all become sufferers of the Personality Disorder of Paranoia? Of course not. It simply means that our rational thought processes are exemplifying these elements in order to protect our impulse reactions that may leave us open to harm. I would call that rather healthy!

It has become evident to me however that the elements of NPD are showing up in the personalities of many people on the net. I have been accused of it myself because I have the strength of my convictions, which comes into conflict with people whose only convictions seem to be, to harm. I have a healthy self-image, which I have earned after more years on this planet than any of my detractors. I have a strong sense of humour which I use shamelessly to keep from descending into the internet pit of 'transference of guilt' and pettiness of thought and expression. I have enough life experience to recognize an abuser, an idiot or a fool right off the bat. And heaven knows, the net is full of those. I also have, what many consider a bad habit, the nerve to call it as I see it. If I am wrong, I apologize. If I am right, I don't back down. And it is this last that gets me labelled by people as narcissistic. One quick peek at a webpage does NOT make a person an expert. Study and life experience do that.

So please, please people, be careful of the labels you attach, of the pits you fall into and of the lure of the net which can seep into your soul and create within YOU a personality disorder you otherwise would never have developed.

It is documented that people with NPD are incapable of rational thought and cognitive thinking. If this blog is all 'Greek' to you, then you need to learn to read. If it makes sense, then my ability for cognitive thought is proven and my level of narcissism is healthy and balanced.

You may learn something about yourself, as I did, if you take the time to take the online personality test at http://www.similarminds.com/. It's fun, easy but only valid if you are honest. My husband was sitting beside me when I took mine, so you can bet your bottom dollar I was honest! LOL My highest scores (and I had NONE over 50) was in the area of obsessive-compulsive because I was trained to keep my home and environment clean and orderly. And I readily admit that I am a little anal retentive in that regard. A cluttered home reflects a cluttered mind, my gran always said, and I have come to value that axiom. So again, I urge you to take the test and learn something about yourself that may make you a little less judgemental of other net users and a little more informed of just how complex we are as people and how our personalities don't have to be 'disordered' to be obviously different.

UPDATE: In case any readers missed it, there is a link in the comments that I am going to post
here: www.narcississupport.com. I urge everyone interested in this particular disorder to check this website out. It belongs to Kim and Steve Cooper and tells the story of their own battle with narcissism and how they overcame it, kept their marriage together and learned to laugh at themselves. It is full of courage, compassion, unconditional love and we in the 'world' must appreciate this, as these qualities seem to be on the wane in life. It will educate you about the realities of this disorder, offer support and advice on how to deal with it, and make some of you think twice before labelling anyone else as having this disorder when it's not warrented. Please, please click on this link. You will be very glad you did.
Kim and Steve - Kudos to you for your willingness to share your story in order to help others.
I am awed and humbled by your courage throughout and beyond the process you have gone through.